Sexual Humaneness is a Precondition for Peace

Comments on Elliot Rodger, the 22-year-old suspected of killing seven people including himself near the University of California Santa Barbara on Friday May 23rd.

Elliot_RodgerIn his Youtube video Elliot Rodger said,

 “Tomorrow is the day of retribution for the last 8 years of my life, ever since I’ve hit puberty, I’ve been forced to endure and existence of loneliness, rejection, and unfulfilled desires…I don’t know why you girls are not attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it.”

Yesterday and today I have been reading the news about the rampage that happened in California last Friday; the massacre in which seven people were killed by a 22-year old gunman named Elliot Rodger. It has been a heinous crime. Videos and letters by Elliot show that he wanted to take revenge for being rejected by women.
Now people blame the arms industry, they blame lacking psychotherapy or the sex-industry for promoting ‘male entitlement’ on women…
In basically every comment I read people refuse to actually see the human being behind the crime. They comment in order to defend themselves from acknowledging the human situation that they see.
Are we not able to imagine the kind of pain, disappointment and rage that develops in a young man who is an unable to have any real contact to women? Who lives in a society that bombards us with sexual images all the time, yet offers no possibility for contact? Who lives in a society where girls tempt boys all the time, yet mostly reject them when they approach? I don’t say this in order to justify what he did or to blame women (they behave in this way because we men forced them to act as so). On the contrary, we need to look at the catastrophic sexual situation of our societies. We need to develop compassion for the fate of young men like Elliot Rodger if we want to prevent such acts in the future.
We need new social structures that make trust and contact between women and men possible again if we want to end the latent brutality in our society.

Martin Winiecki, 23


Violence is the eruption of blocked life energy.
(Dieter Duhm)

After 5000 years of patriarchy, one can understand the hesitation that comes from a woman to open to a man, and yet it is the task of a woman in a new peace culture. Patriarchy is about having control over the other; it is the responsibility of the woman to turn the tables here. How much violence lies behind the ‘no’ from a woman! Patriarchy has taught us women to say ‘no,’ to play games of coyness and prudery, to secure ourselves to the one and only – and this is the exact point where we must make the shift. Sexuality is a precondition for humaneness. Sexual humaneness is a precondition for peace. A new role for the woman is the ability to provide the man with guidance and orientation. Until the truth of sexual attraction can be integrated, there will always be such outbreaks of violence.
What if Elliot Rodger, and so many other men that do not find embedment among others, who do not find a place to land with a woman, were able to profess their love for the feminine, their unabashed attraction to a woman’s ass or breasts, without fear of suffering condemnation? What if a woman, or another man, could stand at their side in solidarity and offer help where they are unable to make authentic contact? What if the men currently rejected by women would be given clear compassion-based feedback so that these men could grow into their higher selves? What if there are women that would simply say ‘yes’? Social structures need to be established where the truth of lust can be expressed in the safe space of trust.
There cannot be peace on Earth so long as there is war in love.

Dara Silverman, 24


Elliot Rodger,
Now, as it is too late, we get to know you through your videos, your manifesto, your action.
When I look into your face I see by no means a killer. On the contrary you are, were, a young, attractive, sensitive man. Maybe you were just too sensitive, too honest for this world. You had difficulties making contact with women. If you had only known that this is more or less common to all men. They are like you. Even those who do get women into their beds.
Everywhere, all over the world, an invisible and impenetrable wall of distrust, a wall of rejection, hatred and anger is between men and women. This is the result of a traumatic history of patriarchy that we have all been going through.
There is hardly anybody who is able to say what is really intrinsically true in love, attraction, eros, sexuality.
 This is a reason for despair. If only you would have had one person around you, whom you could have trusted, then this would not have been a reason for murder.
 If you only knew how many girls might have liked to say “yes” to a sexual adventure with you, if they had not learned that this is not allowed for decent girls.
And if they could have been able to tell you in full solidarity, what you should change in your behavior so that eros can thrive.
The media writes that you were a psychopath. I don’t know. What I know is that this may easily place you as the only culprit. We are all more or less involved and complicit in this drama, as long as we do not change ourselves and the society. 
I work with others to manifest a future where we women will be able to say “yes” when we mean it, because men can learn to deal with our sexual power, rather than to despise it. And let me tell you: If we women come into an environment where we can trust men, we often mean “yes”!
I work for a world in which sexuality can be affirmed again because it is connected with the power of our hearts. I wish this world would already exist everywhere, where a woman naturally takes you with her and kindly introduces you into the pleasures of sensual love. You would have been filled with happiness. No single bit of memory left for violence.

But as this is not yet a reality everywhere, you have taken many innocent people with you into death. This was a serious mistake, a cruel and terrible massacre. It will take a long time for your soul to realize what you have done.  I wish you and those who had to go with you, healing, the power of forgiveness and understanding. I pray especially for all those who are left behind, for your family and the families of your victims. May their pain heal, may they find the decision to help build a new world where men and women can come back to solidarity and trust. In order for such desperate acts to never occur again.

Monika Alleweldt, 59


To follow up with more thoughts on a new women’s movement, please refer to the article “Gentle Power” by Leila Dregger.



2 thoughts on “Sexual Humaneness is a Precondition for Peace

  1. Also remember that his father works in the film industry. The poor guy grew up in Holywood, surrounded by Humanity at its narcissistic worst. Google his name and check out the chilling way his stepmother treated him, the negative way she compared him, an adult, to his six-year-old brother, and the total lack of compassion and empathy from the people that surrounded him. He was embedded in an environment where sexuality was used as a “weapon” for the acquisition and assertion of social status.

  2. To the point! But take into account that the way we women (as well as men) choose our partners is often biased by considerations of status and “popularity”. It is not only men who look for “arm candy”. We also want to be seen with men who are considered by our culture and social circles to be “handsome”, “popular”, “successul” and, yes, “wealthy”. Very often, the way society frames this concepts goes against our deepest, most authentic preferences and longings, but who cares, it’s far more important to have social recognition, right? That’s why we often distance ourselves or even dump our lovers as soon as they commit what can be regarded as a “social blunder”. That’s why men who are often perceived as “beta males” by our status-conscious self, blind to their less obviously “visible” qualities, very often end up isolated and frustrated. Some of them don’t have the inner and outher resources to deal with that and end up like Elliot Rodger.

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