I, too, Carry a Yugoslav War within Me

en de es pt-br
By José Luis Gil Monteagudo
Could it be that my way of living and the decisions I make on a daily basis contribute to the continuation of this war?

I read the press, listen to the radio, and gather the thoughts that many experts and non-experts have had about this war, which is closer to us than other wars. I see a war scenario and I ask myself: “Does all this have anything to do with me?” “Could it be that my way of living and the decisions I make on a daily basis contribute to the continuation of this war?” “What can I personally learn from all this suffering?”

If I want to discover the true answers to these questions, I must allow the light of my consciousness to reach into the dark corners of my being. Some are more easily accessible: I see clearly the Serbian village and the Kosovo Albanians inside of me – the declared victims of this war. But to think that there is a part of me that is as hardened as the paramilitary groups, as tyrannical as a Miloševic or a NATO general, that is really hard for me. Are there corners in my soul that are bolted with a padlock and protected by guards 24 hours a day? Are they entirely inaccessible?

I do not like to associate myself with the military; after all, I declared that I was their opponent many years ago. I do not want to take up arms or contribute to others doing so. But … in truth I always liked the war movies in which heroes go on a killing spree for a good cause. Is there any legitimate cause for killing a human being? Although it does not seem that way to me, a part of me says yes. There are situations in which violence, even bloodshed and corpses, seems to be justified for humanitarian reasons.

We all keep looking for the “guilty party”, but life has shown me that I need to be extremely wary of this categorization. One can never end violence with violence.

I thus continue to explore the corners of my mind – the corners that are normally out of my reach. I think of Miloševic, but … no, really, that’s going too far. I refuse to think that this person lives in me every day. Well, maybe this evil one is not quite so evil, maybe he has his reasons, I could at least listen to him for once … No, that is not possible! Something in me rebels. I don’t want to think that I, too, am Miloševic. I could accept it as a theoretical mind game, as a daring stylistic venture, but to feel, to feel the tyrant in me and to observe how he acts, what injustices and crimes he commits every day, that seems to me to be asking too much. There are definite areas in my soul that want to remain shut. I ask Love and Courage to stand by me, and I hear the squeaking of some hinges on the heavy doors …

I imagine the face of the tyrant, the way it is depicted in the media. Something in me refuses to look at him directly. I judge him too much. I see the face of an arrogant, egoistic, cynical, inflexible man … my God! If all this is also supposed to be part of me, then I think I will stop this game. I don’t like the direction that this is taking … I take a deep breath and continue to look at him. I try to relax my gaze. I begin to see something else. I see the deep sadness that is reflected in his eyes, I see the darkened face of someone who is suffering … “Yes, but don’t mistake him for a victim, now; we’re dealing with a perpetrator here, don’t forget that.” … I ignore the shrill voice in my head, and continue to observe this sad look.

Now I only want to see a human being, as if I knew nothing about him. I now – and I’m almost ashamed to say so – only want to understand my brother Miloševic.

I remember facts from his biography: when he was still young, his parents committed suicide. God! I had forgotten that entirely. Nobody, who does not feel valued himself, is able to value others. Only someone desperate can commit atrocities.

Yes, now I see the eyes of a boy who is broken by these suicides. His father and mother have taken their lives … I try to imagine the childhood of a boy whose parents are as sick as that … Most probably a child who went through a terrible birth and grew up under terrible conditions. An abandoned being in a human catastrophe…

Is there such a great difference between slaps in the face and knife stabs? Are they not fed from the same source? Is there a difference between physical slaps in the face and the wounds that words, spoken by a sharp tongue, can inflict? These wounds of the soul often need much longer to heal than the bodily ones. They contain a concentrated poison, which was distilled in the dark side of the mind. Does it make any difference if the words are spoken or if the effect they have comes from the power of the mind? And in all this, is it really crucial if this process occurs consciously or unconsciously? Is there anybody who thinks that s/he is free of these poisons?

Yes, I announce decidedly: I, too, carry a war criminal inside of me. I can see it for the good of everyone. I do not want it to keep on working within me and be the last one to notice. […]

Why did NATO not act in the area of the great lakes in Africa where, within the last five years, one and a half million innocent people died, where there were hundreds of thousands of refugees, and where still today tens of thousands are killed every month? The reason is simply that the government that caused this massacre is willing to buy the sheriff’s silence with oil, uranium, diamonds, etc.

Why does NATO not act in Kurdistan, where more than one million Kurds had to flee, pursued by the Turkish military, and where thousands are being tortured in the jails? Because Turkey is part of the same NATO and is one of the main customers who buy weapons from the United States.

Yugoslavia is being destroyed [by NATO] with “intelligent” weapons; more than 1200 people, among them 400 children, had to die, and 5000 were seriously injured. They were bombed in their houses, traveling in trains, in hospitals, in radio and TV stations, in embassies and in jails. And, as if it were of no consequence, the civilian population is left without electricity, water, and bread.

In all this, the Serb military hardly suffered at all, and they were obviously the last to go without water or bread. One lets the civilian population suffer for humanitarian reasons and commits mistakes, which are described as “marginal effects”.

 The treaty of Rambouillet was a dictate with clauses that violate Article 52 of the Vienna Convention, which states: “A treaty is void if its conclusion has been procured by the threat or use of force …” The Serbs did not sign, the bombing began, and, as usual, the truth about the war itself was its first victim.

Why did one not seriously try to find a diplomatic solution? Because there was no interest in this. The capitalistic globalization process, which is controlled by the economic power that the United States indirectly rules, wanted a war in Europe.

The panorama is alarming. On the one hand, we are more conscious and have a greater sense of solidarity than ever before, but on the other hand, we have never been more effectively manipulated. Truth is conspicuously absent and lies are conquering our planet.

I have finally found the creator of all this pain: this powerful unknown, the one who gives the orders that cause the suffering of millions of beings. I have the guilty one. I think that I am aligned with him and can hear his words: “Bravo, very good, you have finally found me. You are one of the few smart ones, who discover me through persistent seeking. Yes, I am one of the powerful eccentrics, who control the mental and physical movements on earth. It is too bad that I’m not the only one, but maybe one day I will be. The only purpose in this world is to have power and, in order to get it, one must fulfill one condition: one must be free of any and all scruples, remain focused on one’s goals, and work for them regardless. Morals are for the weak. Why should I accept reprimands in the name of a highest being or a love that does not exist? Do you think that I am the real problem that must be eliminated for peace to reign on earth? How many people do you think would do what I am doing, if they were only in my position? I tell you: they are legion. How many do you think would like to be in my position? Millions and millions.”

It is finally clear to me: there is nobody on this earth who does not believe that they are right, and I believe that the life of each individual, in its own way, expresses one aspect of the universal learning task. Every life path is thereby a suitable form in which to explore, among other things, the innumerable mistakes that the human mind is capable of committing.

I know that each mistake that I commit is potentially a step on the stairway that brings me closer to God. But I also know that I must realize, understand, and transform the mistake in order to turn it into such a step. I recognize that, in spite of all good intentions, there is a secret manipulator in me. I also recognize all doubts that my dark brother harbors: toward God, toward my higher self, toward human goodness, toward the existence of love, all the way to doubting my own existence.

I now need an honest anchor in this turmoil of war and peace; nothing and nobody really seems to be authentic, including myself, of course.

I therefore continue to seek points of reference in the publications about the war. I suddenly make a surprising discovery in statements made by two totally different personalities: a few days apart from each other, a former NATO general and the former Serb Vice President use two words that make me take notice: Jesus Christ. Both of them use him to support their contrary positions.

I ask myself how this great soul, who greeted every being by wishing him/her peace, would have acted in this war. He also lived in a time of gruesome wars and his behavior set an example for how to react to all conflicts.

Is it possible that a Jesus Christ lives in me, too? Absolutely, I am a potential Christ, just as we all are. This Christ is our true nature behind all other appearances. On the day when we can realize our Christ nature and fulfill the divine plan, all wars will disappear from this world and peace will surround us. With every step in this direction the true history of humanity begins, a history full of love, surprises, and adventures, a history of enthusiasm and creativity.

For this Christ to be realized, the sack must be turned inside out and Miloševic, the paramilitary, the power in the dark shadows, NATO, and the victims all tumble out into the light. It is only in this way that we open the door to truth, for truth is the strongest source of power on the path of transformation.

Share your thoughts:

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *